Of Opinions & Apathy

It’s been around 13 months since I have written anything. I was actually wondering when a blogger becomes an ex-blogger. Is it when your blog reminds of the deserted Wild West town alley with tumbleweeds rolling across? I could almost visualize that scene. Not too proud of it but something changed. A Not Caring attitude to a different form of Not Caring one.

The former not caring attitude was about me having a say about something and not caring about other’s opinion. I used to have an opinion in my mind, extreme negativity towards something very positive or die-hard positivity towards something deemed positive. If something happened, oh I had something to say about it. I used to be so opinionated! (Not necessarily a good thing but to me it’s still better than the general apathy).

So back then, someone would raise an issue and I would effortlessly get worked up and shoot out stuff like “The Fall of Man”, “Death to the Tyrant”, or simply “Inquilaab Zindabaad”. But nowadays it’s like defibrillator constantly charging my mind to say something and all I can manage is something like, “Well I feel that…I don’t know sometimes…”.

I have an idea what brought forth this change. Remember how enthralled you were when you visited the circus for the first time (those who haven’t, imagine something!). The awe all that chaos out there filled you with! But it’s difficult to deliver that same excitement when your life becomes one big circus. Back then, I was in the controlled environment of my college. The rarity of chaotic events made it possible to absorb it and register an opinion. But when such events become as routine as the sun in the sky, it just stops impacting you. And the increasing number of clowns around me doesn’t help either.

So when life experiences are out of the picture what else is there to write about…Politics! Back then (even though it isn’t that back), the scene was still better. There were not-so-frequent incidents you could write about. They still happened but they were rare enough to evoke a reaction. I don’t know how to portray the current Indian Political scene in a way that I am not branded a follower of a Party X by the followers of Mr. Incorruptible-Secularist-whom-even-USA-fears, Mr. Empowered-user-of-random-scientific-stuff-in-speeches or Mr. Man-bringing-change-but-ended-up-changing-himself. Let’s just say that a Twilight remake or Beiber egging the neighbours makes as much sense as what’s happening out there. A while back, I read some analogy between A Game of Thrones and Indian Politics. Never before have I ever felt a greater compulsion to wave my index and say “Never Ever, Ever Ever!”. I mean how do you even compare something which has Dragons, Wolves, Swords, Battleships, Ice-Zombies, Brainy Imp, Crotch Monsters, etc. with something which only has morphed and photoshopped images of one another. It’s not even apple and oranges. It’s more like bottle gourd and roasted chicken! (No offence to bottle gourd lovers but you get the idea, right?)

So how do you write about something as “A Clockwork Orange” as that whilst keeping your own sanity intact. It makes no sense to make fun of something that embodies the spirit and captures the true essence of the word “Ridiculous”. I could see my motto (“In the Brightest Day, In the Darkest Night, No absurdity shall escape my sight”) failing. Absurdity is the new Normal and how can you defeat Normal! I will have to scout for other genres to write about. Maybe about that transdimensional state you reach with a little help. Maybe I will change the name of the blog. Maybe Mellow Satty or something…I don’t know.

There have been outbursts though. Like looking over your shoulder becomes a second nature after a life of crime, so does being opinionated after a life full of opinions. So I end up constantly giving Gyaan to random people or post 573 worded opinions on arbitrary FB posts. Let’s see how long this stint lasts.

Clothes Make A Team!

I know that I am actually painting a target on my back by writing this article. This article will probably hit a raw nerve with many fans of Sports Leagues but i find it really amusing and so, to hell with them!

I believe I am a very calm person and I respect the fundamental rights of people. So, naturally I want people to reciprocate the gesture and it really pisses me off when they don’t do that, especially my right to silence. The other day, a commotion in the TV room snatched my right to silence and disturbed my sweet slumber. So I followed my instincts to choke the life out of the murderers of my slumber.  But all instincts vanished and I was actually quite amused when I found out what the entire ruckus was about. The English Premier League was on and apparently the supporters of one club didn’t actually get along with the supporters of the other club. It was a bit of a bit of a disappointment that I lost my sleep to this childish “My Club is better than your” routine nevertheless, I was amused.

Before telling you the reason why I was amused, I will sum up the concept of supporting a team. Though I am not much of a sports freak, I respect it when someone supports a team that represents a country (may not be same as that of the supporter). It’s deep stuff with all the national sentiments, respect for the country and the players. So, a battle for superiority concerning the teams that represent a country is understandable.

Then there are these individual sports like Tennis, where people are inspired by players irrespective of their nationality. Now this stuff is even deeper because it is borne out of nothing but pure respect for the player’s skill and talent. A fight over the superiority of individual players is more than understandable.

Lastly, there is this twisted concept of supporting sports league teams. And it’s not just the football leagues. I am talking about the cricket leagues, basketball leagues, even a kabaddi league (if it ever comes into existence).  So I will come to the amusing part now. The players don’t give a shit about the teams as they follow the trail of money. And I did a little digging around. People stick with the team even if a good player changes the team. There is no sentiment involved because the team is generally owned by an Arab Sheikh who cruises around in his gold car or a Billionaire who probably shits $100 bills.

Let’s build the equation of supporting a club or a league team. Players, their skill and talent, sentiments, etc. are thrown right out of the equation. So let me tell you what’s left to root for in a league team…..The clothes, shin guards, or probably the socks. As such, when I see people fighting over clubs, it doesn’t look much different from two annoying teens high on hormones fighting over dresses. The crux of it is that even a fight over Pokémons is more respectable than a fight over clubs!!

Please Mind The Gap!!!

If you guessed what i am talking about the instant you read the title, you have probably guessed it right. It is the Lifeline of Delhi i am gonna talk about….The Delhi Metro. I have spent quite some time in Delhi over the past few years but all this time I had been relying on other means of transportation (well dad’s car mostly). I have used the services of the Delhi Metro in the past but the use has been quite sporadic and that too in mostly non-rush hours. Therefore it wasn’t until I started my intern at Panasonic,Gurgaon that I had a taste of what I call “The Metro Experience”….

Over the past few days, I have spent close to 14% of my entire day inside the metro and believe me that’s a lot of time to have life experiences about anything. Now, I do appreciate the air conditioning inside the trains. But what I appreciate even more, is actually the rising temperature inside the trains as more and more stations pass by…if u know what I mean. It’s kinda depressing when you see the heat sources interacting with lowly scumbags. Still there is a positive aspect to it. The heat sources with the highest source temperatures are actually positioned in the non-reserved compartments…..and I will say that again, If you know what I mean ;)…

I believe that I am a calm person but the next person who lectures me about feminism and male dominance is surely gonna get an earful from me. You want to be treated equally but even one entire reserved compartment wasn’t enough. You want the reserved seats inside non reserved compartments too. I learned it the hard way when not even 10 minutes into my first 95 minutes metro journey (I was so happy that I had found a seat), a girl, 3-4 years older than me, promptly comes to me and says, “Seat reserved for ladies”…and that’s how I lost my seat.  What pissed me more was that even the temperature wasn’t even high enough (yes dear feminists, I just objectified women…..Bite me!!). I wanted to tell that gal, “Yes, I know it’s a seat reserved for ladies and I will vacate it when I see one”. But I avoided it as I didn’t want any tussle on the first day of my intern!! Still that seat (be it only for 10 minutes) felt so great that I modified a saying for the metro…..”It is better to have sat and lost than to have never sat at all”

And now a word about the Rajiv Chowk station experience. I guess Delhites and NCRites must be knowing this. But for those who don’t, fill a balloon with water till you think that it couldn’t hold anymore and then fill some more. Now take a pin and pop it. The way people come out of a train at Rajiv Chowk is actually similar to the way the water escapes the bursting balloon. And it’s not official but Ripley’s Believe It Or Not are actually gonna feature this in their next segment……”A person, not female, not old or physically challenged, as ordinary as you are, boarded a train at the Rajiv Chowk Metro Station, New Delhi during the great office rush and got A SEAT!”

I am going to quote a line here from one of my all time favorite stories, The Luncheon…”I do not believe that I am a vindictive man, but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the result with complacency.” I quoted it because of the following incident. An old guy (I’m guessing 80) asked me, “Beta, can you help me board this train?”. I immediately saw my golden chance and said, “Sure”. I helped him get on the train and said, “Let’s find you a seat now.” You know how you can spot a feminist in a crowd. You see one and you have seen all of them (yes i am stereotyping right now….again, Bite Me!!). So I promptly went up to her and said, “Hi, I don’t think uncle can stand any longer, would you offer your seat?”……And judging from the look she gave me, I knew I had my Revenge!!

So people, if you have missed any of the above experiences, you haven’t had…”The Metro Experience”…..

The Alter Ego Speaks!!

It’s been almost two months since I have written anything. I have a lot of excuses…studies, mid sems, a ‘khichdi’ fest… you know the shit.  However, the real reason I believe is that I am suffering from (rather enjoying) Acute Laziness Syndrome. But I think I am going to start writing again. So this one is about my alter ego (the tiny part of you which behaves exactly opposite to how you normally would). It’s actually different for everyone and is entirely based on the choices you make. For instance, an evil guy always has a little (can be reeealllly little) part that wants to be good or a Sarcastic Sadist like me who has a part (it’s actually non-existent) that wants to be a whiny “feeling guy”. I am going to let him talk for a while. It’s crazy thing to do but you what they say about me…. I do have to keep tabs on him because I got a really bad reputation among my peers and I want it to stay that way. So here he goes….

To be honest, I have been missing out on that “sarcastic n cynic guy” flare lately (No it’s not. I am just keeping it down for the moment). It’s not that I don’t have any ideas….I mean I got tons of issues to  butcher (The government and the dumbasses everywhere ensure that I don’t run out of topics…For instance, JEE Scrapped…I mean I can write a book about it without even using half my sarcasm). But the thing is that I don’t feel like doing it (I am being such a whiny bitch, maybe I should start listening to Taylor Swift). My problem is that people have started hating each other so much and are eager to see others get ripped off (What can I say, I hate myself right now). People have lost concern for each other’s feelings (Ugggh!!! So Gay!!!). It’s sad to see everyone appreciate just the “cynic” front I put up and no one to care about how I feel (Ok now it’s getting personal. It’s not a front. I AM A CYNIC to the core). I mean, why does it always have to be about wit and sarcasm! Why can’t it all be normal once in a while?? (Because it’s fuckin’ dull and boring!!). I believe that people should speak their mind freely, without concerning themselves with what others might think. (And I believe that no one gives a hairy crack of a rat’s behind about what you believe in). I think I am gonna leave now, this sarcastic douchebag is driving me nuts. It’s ok to let your emotions and feelings run wild for a while, shake the exterior you put up for the world. But there is one thing I need you to burn to your brain, STOP doing all the above crap when EDWARD CULLEN n TWILIGHT starts making sense to you!!! ( Gotta say….Amen to that. He is satirical satty’s alter ego after all).

CIAO!

The Hopeless Chicken Corner At TotallyLost Road!!

I remember meeting my close pals during my last few days in Patna. I was leaving for Delhi. Now, tagging along with these pals of mine were casual acquaintances. You know the kind…They somehow know one of your close friends, you see them every day, maybe a ‘Hi’ once in a while but you never really talk to them. So, here’s the thing….I HATE such people. They know that cannot be a part of/enjoy the conversation you are having with your buddies, so they try to barge in. They start a totally different topic (and the messed up part is that even they don’t have any idea about it). Here’s a piece of advice….At the slightest hint of such a thing happening….LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!! Now I have come across a lot of such topics. I will share the stupidest one with you…Restaurant Recommendations. By the way, you know what’s the good thing about sarcasm….It prevents you from KILLING PEOPLE.

Here’s how the conversation goes!

Casual Acq.: So, you are finally moving to Delhi!!

Me: Well Yeah, I guess the packed bags make it fairly obvious!

CA: Listen Man, since you are going to Delhi, there’s a restaurant you have got to try. It’s called “Hopeless Chicken Corner”. It serves the best (insert the food of your choice. Let’s go with Kebabs.) Kebabs you ever ate.

(That’s your cue to leave people)

CA: It’s a bit hard to find. It’s at the end of TotallyLost Road right around Condemned Chowk. It’s not a very bad neighborhood. It’s just a little off. I mean, you’re not going to get shot or anything . . . at least I hope not. HeHHeHHeH (God, I hate that laugh). What I’m saying is, when you reach the area, walk directly and quickly to the restaurant. Don’t stroll and don’t linger outside after you eat. But, seriously, (that sounded really serious to me) you’ve got to try their food. They serve authentic Middle Eastern Kebab. I think they have got someone of that origin (I should probably let the Indian Govt. know about him). Don’t let the outside of the building scare you away (hey, I’m pretty scared already). It looks like a dump, I know. It looks like it should be condemned, but those places are always the best restaurants (really, because that hasn’t been my experience). But, man, it’s authentic!”

Me: You keep saying authentic. How do you know?

CA: “It’s not that Karim’s or Moti Mahal crap that you usually get. (I’m from Delhi and I like that Karim’s or Moti Mahal crap.) That stuff is way too spicy. Authentic Kebabs are not spicy at all.”

Me: So it’s bland?

CA: Bland would be an exaggeration. I would say its Mild. Now, they only have a few tables and the place gets crowded so get there early.”

Me: How early?

CA: Around 5 p.m.

Me: You want me to have dinner at 5 p.m.!!

CA: Only if you can wait for an hour or two. It’s always good to go a little early.

Me: So, let me just get this straight. You want me to go to a restaurant that is hard to find in an area where I may or may not get killed in a building that may or may not fall on my head in order to wait a couple of hours to eat bland Kebabs. Did I get everything right?

CA: Look, guy, I’m just telling you, it’s authentic. Remember, I was in Delhi just last month and I ate there and it was great.

Me: Wasn’t that when you got food poisoning and you were shitting blood day in day out. They had to put you in the hospital and on an IV drip?

CA: My guess is the hotel food.

Me: We will never know (Thank God for Sarcasm). I’ll be sure to go (right after I take that trip to Hell I’ve been planning . . . where at least the food will be spicy).

I should totally start studying at 6:30 in the morning!

Based On A Totally True Story

2300 Hrs :…Tiring Day…I cant do late night study….Maybe I should sleep now…That way I could totally wake up at 6:30 tomorrow morning n do Some SuperFocused  Study!!…Yeah I should totally do tht!!!

0630 Hrs : Woke up…Boy, I got loads to study in Fluid Dynamics…Glad tht I woke up so early!!

0650 Hrs :  Study table set, Bathroom business done…..I should totally get going now!

0655 Hrs :  Maybe I should get an early breakfast n some coffee too…moreover, the mess would probably be empty at this  hour.

0730 Hrs : All Set!!…Its time to study!!

0740 Hrs : hmmm…this chair seems to be a bit uncomfortable…maybe thts y i cannot focus…I should totally move to the bed!!

0745 : Well the bed is sure comfortable…Boy, its quite windy today…I should put on a blanket….

0750 : Still cant focus…maybe i should lie down…n read the book like a novel…yeah tht wud be great.

0800 : ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

1200 : Oh my God!!….I wasted 4 hrs!!…I will really focus this time!

1210 : Hmm…I wonder he mailed those slides on Piezoelectric Materials…Let me just check the mail…n i ll be back to studying in a jiffy!!m

1215 : Huh..As expected, i ve to remind him again.

1220 : While m at it, I should totally check FB…did some cool things yesterday!!!

1230 : Hmmm…Notifications, Msgs….Awesome!

1240 : Whoa!!…She Is Online…Brilliant!!…I should totally talk to her!!

1400 : To her..”catch ya later…tc…bye”…Hmmm… i think the mess would be empty by now!

1430 : I should take short nap…after all, one shouldnt study after lunch….one hour n thts it!!

1800 : Damn it!!!..This cant be happening!!…I overslept again!

1815 : Its too boring…lets see whether he mailed those slides or not!

1820 : Finally!!…I should download them!!

1825 : (In The Downloads Folder)…i totally forgot to watch these episodes…maybe one episode wont do any harm!

1905 : Damn it!…the story got way too exciting…have to watch the next one!

1955 : Awesome…cant wait for next week’s episode!…m glad my exams would be over by then (Like Tht Makes A Difference…Lol)….Time For Some Serious Study!!!

2010 : Hmmm…Feeling a bit hungry…I should go for dinner!

2105 : Boy, tht was some rush…Anyways, Study Time!!

2115 : Hmmm..Whts happening thr!!…Oooh…Mand Beating Kadka….Kadka Annoyed…Awesome!!!

2220 : To Mand  “Boy, tht was great…We should totally do this again some other time!!!”

2230 : Feeling a bit drowsy…I should get some coffee!!

2255 : Nah…Coffee Doesnt Help!!….Still I ve to Focus!!!

2310 : (YAAAWWWWN)…Maybe I should sleep now…That way I could totally wake up at 6:30 tomorrow morning n do Some SuperFocused  Study!!

0630 :Awesome…I woke up ryt on tym!!

0645 : Damn it…Whom am I Kidding!!!!……………… You already knw Whats gonna  happen!!!!!!