The Best Superhero of all!!

No Sarcasm, No satires and No cynicism today. I know it’s not my style but the day demands it and so I am writing something straight from the heart.

So Superheroes…..Tell me which one comes to your mind when I say, “The Best Superhero of all”!…..The Avengers were pretty awesome especially The Hulk and I am pretty sure most of you are dying for The Dark Knight to return. But there is one  superhero whom many of us forget to consider.

He does not fly but he makes sure that our hopes and dreams sore as high as possible and the thrill one gets just being around him is much greater than the thrill of flying. He does not save the world but he is always there to save your day no matter how old and capable you are. He does not teach Supervillains a lesson but when you are caught doing something wrong, his one stare is enough to make you want to be a better person.

You grow up and start struggling to tackle the problems which life puts in your path. Amidst this struggle, you feel nothing but awe when you start contemplating how easily these problems used to disappear when this superhero handled them. He has always been and will continue to be the rock of your life, the one unshakable support, always holding your hand no matter how slippery life becomes.

This superhero is known by many names across the world. I call him Babuji. So this Father’s Day (if you don’t do it everyday)  wish your dad and tell him how much you appreciate the presence of such a superhero like him in your life.  Trust me, this this will make your superhero even mightier.

To all the Dads in the world, Happy Father’s Day……You guys seriously rock!!!!

The Pursuit of the Door of Happiness

A couple of days ago, someone posted this quote, by Helen Keller, on Facebook:

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Personally, I have immense respect for her. She has always been a great source of inspiration for the entire mankind (and if they exist and know about her, then Aliens too); and will continue to be till eternity.
People generally interpret these metaphorical ‘doors’ as a way of ‘thinking positive’ – to ‘look on the bright side’ or, ‘to find the silver lining…’ when something we interpret as bad, or negative, ‘happens’ to us.

Now, I may be stepping on pins and needles here but to me, something about this quote does not seem right. I mean alternately, doesn’t this quote give you a sort of ‘Move On’ vibe. It’s like, “Yeah man, it’s not your cup of tea, try something else….”or “Dude there is no use beating the dead horse”.

Doesn’t it strike you as something that contradicts the good ol’ Never Say Die? I mean Dead horses apart, there’s a reason why we look at the closed door in the first place. That was the first door of happiness. It certainly is highly valued in your life. Are you supposed to just let it go and not determine why it got closed….And this second door that is talked of….I was never a fan of second rate stuff anyway and if I don’t know why the first door got closed, who’s to say that the second one won’t , should I choose it.

Even if I pass the “moving on” aspect of this quote, there something else about it that bugs me. It reflects the attitude of an opportunist or simply fickle mindedness. It’s like “Oh it didn’t pan out as I expected, let’s rush to something else. In life, it is ok to adjust compromise or be a little flexible. But you know what happens when you are too compromising or flexible, you lose your spine!

So here is a rephrased version of the quote stating what I believe in:

When a door of happiness closes, you break down that door so that it can never close again and should you come by the reason which got it closed, you choke the bloody life out of it!!

Though considering the personality Helen Keller was, I am pretty sure that she meant the silver lining and the positive thinking . So take a stand and fight for your happiness……… Ciao!

Please Mind The Gap!!!

If you guessed what i am talking about the instant you read the title, you have probably guessed it right. It is the Lifeline of Delhi i am gonna talk about….The Delhi Metro. I have spent quite some time in Delhi over the past few years but all this time I had been relying on other means of transportation (well dad’s car mostly). I have used the services of the Delhi Metro in the past but the use has been quite sporadic and that too in mostly non-rush hours. Therefore it wasn’t until I started my intern at Panasonic,Gurgaon that I had a taste of what I call “The Metro Experience”….

Over the past few days, I have spent close to 14% of my entire day inside the metro and believe me that’s a lot of time to have life experiences about anything. Now, I do appreciate the air conditioning inside the trains. But what I appreciate even more, is actually the rising temperature inside the trains as more and more stations pass by…if u know what I mean. It’s kinda depressing when you see the heat sources interacting with lowly scumbags. Still there is a positive aspect to it. The heat sources with the highest source temperatures are actually positioned in the non-reserved compartments…..and I will say that again, If you know what I mean ;)…

I believe that I am a calm person but the next person who lectures me about feminism and male dominance is surely gonna get an earful from me. You want to be treated equally but even one entire reserved compartment wasn’t enough. You want the reserved seats inside non reserved compartments too. I learned it the hard way when not even 10 minutes into my first 95 minutes metro journey (I was so happy that I had found a seat), a girl, 3-4 years older than me, promptly comes to me and says, “Seat reserved for ladies”…and that’s how I lost my seat.  What pissed me more was that even the temperature wasn’t even high enough (yes dear feminists, I just objectified women…..Bite me!!). I wanted to tell that gal, “Yes, I know it’s a seat reserved for ladies and I will vacate it when I see one”. But I avoided it as I didn’t want any tussle on the first day of my intern!! Still that seat (be it only for 10 minutes) felt so great that I modified a saying for the metro…..”It is better to have sat and lost than to have never sat at all”

And now a word about the Rajiv Chowk station experience. I guess Delhites and NCRites must be knowing this. But for those who don’t, fill a balloon with water till you think that it couldn’t hold anymore and then fill some more. Now take a pin and pop it. The way people come out of a train at Rajiv Chowk is actually similar to the way the water escapes the bursting balloon. And it’s not official but Ripley’s Believe It Or Not are actually gonna feature this in their next segment……”A person, not female, not old or physically challenged, as ordinary as you are, boarded a train at the Rajiv Chowk Metro Station, New Delhi during the great office rush and got A SEAT!”

I am going to quote a line here from one of my all time favorite stories, The Luncheon…”I do not believe that I am a vindictive man, but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the result with complacency.” I quoted it because of the following incident. An old guy (I’m guessing 80) asked me, “Beta, can you help me board this train?”. I immediately saw my golden chance and said, “Sure”. I helped him get on the train and said, “Let’s find you a seat now.” You know how you can spot a feminist in a crowd. You see one and you have seen all of them (yes i am stereotyping right now….again, Bite Me!!). So I promptly went up to her and said, “Hi, I don’t think uncle can stand any longer, would you offer your seat?”……And judging from the look she gave me, I knew I had my Revenge!!

So people, if you have missed any of the above experiences, you haven’t had…”The Metro Experience”…..

Anti-Incumbency, The Indian Norm…

For those of you who don’t know what anti-incumbency is, the elected representative or the schmuck in power is called incumbent. So naturally, anti-incumbency is any such urge to throw the schmuck in power out of the office.

In all the fair elections (and by fair, I mean elections devoid of booth capturing, bogus voting, etc) that India has witnessed, anti-incumbency has always played a major role. It’s like there are always two major players in a state, one of them screws his/her chances during their term and the other one automatically gets the benefit of doubt. The expectation is that the years out of power will have taught the loser a lesson and that it will behave better the second time around. With all the increased flexibility of the polling process, a huge turnout generally means reappearance of the faces (or maybe the sons and daughters of those faces) that lost 5 years ago. Long gone are the days when “Good Vs Evil” battles used to take place (they still do but only in second-rate bollywood movies). There have been a few exceptions, notably Nitish Kumar in Bihar and Naveen Patnaik in Orissa, whose performances in office have enabled them to beat the anti-incumbency factor. Or Tarun Gogoi in Assam, who has been chief minister thrice because he doesn’t face a credible opposition. But other than that, the Indian electorates have and will always be forced to choose the lesser of the two evils (if one is a Satan, the other can be best described as a Leviathan).

Speaking of two evils, the current state UP polls is a glaring example of what I said above. Let us rewind to the happenings of UP 2007 polls. Mayawati in 2007 had capitalised on the fact that people were frustrated with the Samajwadi Party’s inability to maintain law and order. I guess “Goondagardi” was the apt word to describe the administration. As a result, people voted for change and made the Dalit Tsarina….All in all!

But five years, a 685 crore park and a 10000 crore scam later, nothing changed after all. Add to that, Mayawati’s inaccessibility and out-of-sight out-of-mind attitude. Meanwhile, Samajwadi Party claims to have cleaned up its act. Party leader Akhilesh Yadav (Son of the face) touts the fact that most of their candidates are free of criminal records and that they will have no place for candidates with tainted records. So the result was but obvious:

Behenji Ka Time Up…Bhai Logon ka Samay Fir Se Aaya!!!   

The Alter Ego Speaks!!

It’s been almost two months since I have written anything. I have a lot of excuses…studies, mid sems, a ‘khichdi’ fest… you know the shit.  However, the real reason I believe is that I am suffering from (rather enjoying) Acute Laziness Syndrome. But I think I am going to start writing again. So this one is about my alter ego (the tiny part of you which behaves exactly opposite to how you normally would). It’s actually different for everyone and is entirely based on the choices you make. For instance, an evil guy always has a little (can be reeealllly little) part that wants to be good or a Sarcastic Sadist like me who has a part (it’s actually non-existent) that wants to be a whiny “feeling guy”. I am going to let him talk for a while. It’s crazy thing to do but you what they say about me…. I do have to keep tabs on him because I got a really bad reputation among my peers and I want it to stay that way. So here he goes….

To be honest, I have been missing out on that “sarcastic n cynic guy” flare lately (No it’s not. I am just keeping it down for the moment). It’s not that I don’t have any ideas….I mean I got tons of issues to  butcher (The government and the dumbasses everywhere ensure that I don’t run out of topics…For instance, JEE Scrapped…I mean I can write a book about it without even using half my sarcasm). But the thing is that I don’t feel like doing it (I am being such a whiny bitch, maybe I should start listening to Taylor Swift). My problem is that people have started hating each other so much and are eager to see others get ripped off (What can I say, I hate myself right now). People have lost concern for each other’s feelings (Ugggh!!! So Gay!!!). It’s sad to see everyone appreciate just the “cynic” front I put up and no one to care about how I feel (Ok now it’s getting personal. It’s not a front. I AM A CYNIC to the core). I mean, why does it always have to be about wit and sarcasm! Why can’t it all be normal once in a while?? (Because it’s fuckin’ dull and boring!!). I believe that people should speak their mind freely, without concerning themselves with what others might think. (And I believe that no one gives a hairy crack of a rat’s behind about what you believe in). I think I am gonna leave now, this sarcastic douchebag is driving me nuts. It’s ok to let your emotions and feelings run wild for a while, shake the exterior you put up for the world. But there is one thing I need you to burn to your brain, STOP doing all the above crap when EDWARD CULLEN n TWILIGHT starts making sense to you!!! ( Gotta say….Amen to that. He is satirical satty’s alter ego after all).

CIAO!

It’s Like Judging A Sociopath By His Ability To Make Friends!!!

I was taking a stroll the other day when something bright caught my attention. It was a poster of a college fest. It looked quite attractive if you ask me…..elegant design, vibrant colours….everything seemed perfect. It seemed like the designer had put in a lot of effort. But as I was reading the contents, I started laughing like a madman. It was because of the tagline. It read…TO MAKE PEOPLE GO BANANAS.  However, something started to bug me. How could sensible people who spend hours designing a poster, allow such a stupid tagline? Mere five words that spoiled hours of labour. Pondering over the matter, I walked away.

Some days later, it happened again. This time, the poster was more attractive than the previous one and the tagline…..more absurd. It read “Our Fest is Number 1, Everything Else is Number 2”.  Sure enough, the laugh was even harder. But the choice of such a ridiculous tagline gave rise to a concern in my mind. A concern….that people are losing their mind. Then again, it seemed kinda obvious. People are enthralled by the most absurd shit these days (I will spare the details but in your heart, you know what I am talking about). So Dumb Taglines….Not a big surprise.

But eventually, I found the reason. I came across a competition on facebook. There is this college which was organising a fest and needed a tagline (Well I won’t name it because you actually popularise things even when you defame them and I learnt this the hard way). They offered a reward for the best tagline. Everybody can use a little extra money now and then, so I thought….What the hell, let’s give it a shot.

Two days later, I get a message that my tagline has been shortlisted. I quickly browsed through the other shortlisted ones. There were some really stupid and absurd taglines (the weirdest entries were from the college itself because we all know how “shortlisting” is done when it comes to our own college). The message said that now, I just have to promote it and get as many “facebook likes” as I can and the one with the most ‘likes’ wins. And just like that, it all became crystal clear.

So no need to worry if you don’t have the best entry because to win such a competition, you just need to be a girl or have a lot of FB friends. It’s an added bonus if you fulfil both the parameters. The problem is that even with the best entry, normal people with limited friends stand no chance in such competitions. It makes no sense to judge promotional skills of people in a competition that needs creative skills. As I said, It’s Like Judging A Sociopath By His Ability To Make Friends!!!

Such competitions have set a trend and there is nothing you can do to stop them. So moving on, this absurd competition is about to end and I am pretty sure that this fest’s tagline is going to be “Our Fest is BBBBBBBBBBEST” or “ Pehle Fest attend karein fir vishwas karein”.

Come to think of it, the way people vote in our elections isn’t much different because people have no regard for how good a representative is because the one with the most friends in high places, always wins. Maybe we can have the elections on facebook….Hit like to vote for Mr Abc. You get the same results at zero cost!!!

What’s With This Kolaveri Shit!!!

It’s on People’s Minds, Facebook Statuses, Blogs, News Channels….I wish I could say that it is an anti-corruption message people are spreading. It’s on people’s ringtones, speakers, lips…I wish I could say that it is a Lata Mangeshkar classic, a Guns N Roses Hit or an A.R. Rehman Melody. But Sadly, the above mentioned “it” is a Trashy song called “Why This Kolaveri Di”.

Now a week ago, this song was everywhere on Facebook. So I thought, Let’s give it a shot. After all, some Tamil songs have appealed to me in the past. So I tried it and that’s 4 minutes (or maybe 3.5 minutes because of the Stunning Shruti Hassan) of my life I am not getting back. Just saying horrible and awful would be an understatement. People say that they like this song because of it’s weirdness. I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean. Let me describe the song in terms of music, lyrics, vocals and theme.

Music: Trashy Computer Generated Beats.

Lyrics: Meaningless Lines in Broken English and Tamil.

Vocals: Passable

Theme: Now I would have disregarded the above three if the theme was, say Patriotism. But No!! The theme was..heartbroken boy ditched by the girl of his dreams….Quelle Surprise!!!

You may call me a Social Pariah for hating this song. I have been called much worse things and I don’t give a damn about it. What I give a damn about is the attention this song is getting and the rage it is creating. I mean, yeah you may try this song once or accidentally see the video twice just to get a good look at Shruti Hassan (Who happens to be the only Highlight of the music video I could find). But 5.7 million hits in a week!! That’s no accident! It just paints a sad picture of people appreciating bullshit!

So my parting words:  Grow up India, you can do much, much better than this.